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Jun. 14th, 2005 @ 11:18 am Everyday is Exactly the Same~NIN
I believe I can see the future
As I repeat the same routine
I think I used to have a purpose
But then again
That might have been a dream
I think I used to have a voice
Now i never make a sound
I just do what I've been told
I really don't want them to come around again

Oh, no

[Chorus]
Everyday is exactly the same
Everyday is exactly the same
There is no love here and there is no pain
Everyday is exactly the same

I can feel thier eyes are watching
In case I loose myself again
Sometimes I think I'm happy here
Sometimes, yet I still pretend
I can't remember how this got started
But I can tell you exactly how it will end

[Chorus]

I'm writing on a little piece of paper
I'm hoping someday you might find
I'll hide it behind something
They won't look behind
I am still inside here
A little bit comes bleeding through
I wish this could have been any other way
But I just don't know- I don't know what else I can do
About this Entry
80sparty
Jun. 14th, 2005 @ 11:04 am Stockholm Syndrome
Current Mood: crappycrappy
This is the first (thing I remember)
Now it's the last (thing left on my mind)
Afraid of the dark (do you hear me whisper)
An empty heart (replaced with paranoia)
Where do we go (life's temporary)
After we're gone (like new years resolutions)
Why is this hard (do you recognize me)
I know I'm wrong (but I can't help believing)

I'm so lost
I'm barely here
I wish I could explain myself
But words escape me
It's too late
To save me
You're too late
You're too late

You're cold with disappointment
While I'm drowning in the next room
The last contagious victim of this plague between us
I'm sick with apprehension
I'm crippled from exhaustion
And I dread the moment when you finally come to kill me

This is the first (thing I remember)
Now it's the last (thing left on my mind)
Afraid of the dark (do you hear me whisper)
An empty heart (replaced with paranoia)
Where do we go (life's temporary)
After we're gone (like new years resolutions)
Why is this hard (do you recognize me)
I know I'm wrong (but I can't help believing)
About this Entry
80sparty
Jun. 13th, 2005 @ 09:29 pm (no subject)
Current Mood: complacentcomplacent
...and yet another


1. PICK ONE OF YOUR SCARS, HOW DID YOU GET IT?
-on my left elbow, from calvary daycamp in the mid-eighties - we were having a piggy back riding competition at the park across the street from st joes, and the guy who's back i was on fell and i ate shit and skinned the hell out of my elbow

2. WHAT IS ON THE WALLS IN YOUR ROOM?
- ugly paint, the world

4. WHAT MUSIC DO YOU LISTEN TO?
- 80s, punk, pop, rock, hip hop

5. DO YOU KNOW WHAT TIME YOU WERE BORN?
- 8:53 pm

6. WHAT DO YOU WANT MORE THAN ANYTHING RIGHT NOW?
- financial security

7. WHAT DO YOU MISS AT TIMES?
- glenwood place

8. WHAT IS YOUR MOST PRIZED POSSESSION?
- photographs, mementos

9. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE SMELL?
- chlorine, the beach

10. DO YOU GET CLAUSTROPHOBIC?
- yes

11. IF YOU DIED TOMORROW?
- That would really suck for all the people in my life, I don't know what they would do without me.

12. THE LAST PERSON TO MAKE YOU CRY?
- myself

13. What is your favorite cologne/perfume?
- depends on my mood

14. WHAT KIND OF HAIR DO YOU LIKE ON THE OPPOSITE SEX?
- spiky

15. WHERE CAN YOU SEE YOURSELF BEING PROPOSED TO AT?
- I was proposed to in my apartment, romantic I know..

16.DO YOU LIKE PORN?
- yeah

17. WHAT ARE YOUR FIVE FAVORITE MOVIES?
Fight Club
American Beauty
Dogma
Donnie Darko
Interview with the Vampire

18. WHERE CAN YOU SEE YOURSELF GOING FOR YOUR HONEYMOON?
- We went on a 7 day cruise.

19. WHO IS THE LAST PERSON YOU MADE MAD?
- Steve

20. DO YOU SPEAK A DIFFERENT LANGUAGE?
- Op

21. WHAT WAS THE FIRST GIFT SOMEONE EVER GAVE YOU (OF THE OPPOSITE SEX)?
- A cheap ass necklace from Thrifys (c'mon it was 7th grade!)

22. WHO IS YOUR FAVORITE SINGER(s)?
- Pink, Axl

23. FAVORITE BAND(s)?
- Pennywise, The Mars Volta, Zeppelin, UL, NOFX, GNR, Beatles, DHC

24. WHAT KIND OF BOOKS DO YOU LIKE TO READ?
- light fiction, reference, autobiographies, how to

25. FAVORITE DESSERT?
- pumpkin pie

26. HOW DO YOU LIKE YOUR COFFEE?
- 2 creams, 2 sugars


27. WHAT'S YOUR FAVORITE PHRASE ?
- Eat my ass.

28. WOULD YOU FALL IN LOVE KNOWING THAT THE PERSON IS LEAVING?
- I don't think it's really a choice you can make.

29. WHAT IS THE BEST WAY TO TELL SOMEONE HOW MUCH THEY MEAN TO YOU?
- Schlob knob

30. SAY A NUMBER FROM ONE TO A HUNDRED?
- 37

31. BLONDES, REDHEADS OR BRUNETTES?
- I've always loved red hair.

32. WHAT IS THE ONE NUMBER YOU CALL OFTEN?
- the bank

33. WHAT ANNOYS YOU MOST?
- Self Righteous, Arrogant, Ignorant, Close Minded, Stupid, Fake, Materialistic, Mean, Self Absorbed people.

34. HAVE YOU EVER DONE A PRANK CALL?
- Oh god yeah.


35. WHO IS YOUR CURRENT CRUSH?
- Lindsay, grrrrr

36. WHAT IS YOUR WORST FEAR?
- I don't like to talk about it.

37: SAY SOMETHING TO SOMEONE YOU HAVEN'T SEEN/TALKED TO IN AWHILE?
- I miss our conversation.

38: HAVE YOU EVER SAID "I LOVE YOU" AND NOT MEANT IT?
- yeah

39: WHAT WERE YOU DOING BEFORE YOU FILLED THIS SURVEY?
- washing bottles

40. IF YOU COULD GET PLASTIC SURGERY, WHAT WOULD IT BE?
- Lipo!!!
About this Entry
80sparty
Jun. 5th, 2005 @ 08:39 pm in awe.., still.
Current Mood: jubilantjubilant
I left the show last night feeling like I had just had the orgasm of my life. The Mars Volta is the most amazing band I have EVER heard live, and I have been to some pretty sick shows. When the first song started playing I was outside smoking a cigarette that I bummed off some fat (but nice) guy in a Tool shirt. They started playing and the "smoking area" cleared out with people dropping their newly lit cigarettes and running through the doors. "Shit", I thought to myself. I'm going to enjoy my cigarette, and I don't care if I miss 3 minutes. I was the ONLY one outside, the place literally cleared out in seconds. After I was done I found my way back to our (killer) seats. I had my Corono in one hand, the love of my life on the other side, I was set for a good show. Then the joints started getting passed around. Steve was sharing his with some people that drove down from San Diego behind us. A few minutes later an asian couple sat down next to us, a few minutes later they asked me for a lighter. I handed them one and said, can I bum a cigarette? He grinned and said "I don't have cigarettes", and handed me the fattest joint I'd ever seen (purple kush as steve told me later). The music was perfect my my semi-stoned, and altered perspective state. I felt like I was watching the combination of a morphed Zeppelin/Floyd/Rush band. At one point I really was considering packing up and following their tour through Arizona and Texas. Psychedelic, raw, and emotional... the feeling was something I can't put into words, and I feel somewhat of an over dramatic dork raving as I am... but I just can't get it out of my mind. It was like perfect Kama Sutra sex for 90 minutes. Raw and real. And I was expecting nothing out of this show, I almost didn't go! Who would've known that it was the most etheral and pure show I probably will ever be able to say I was at.
About this Entry
80sparty
Jun. 3rd, 2005 @ 09:10 am (no subject)
Current Mood: exhaustedexhausted
DO YOU SNORE?
Only when I'm really tired...or drunk.

ARE YOU A LOVER OR A FIGHTER?
Depends.

WHAT'S YOUR WORST FEAR?
Unmentionable.

AS A KID, WERE YOU A LEGO MANIAC?
Not at all.

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF "REALITY" TV?
I like *some* of it.

DO YOU CHEW ON YOUR STRAWS?
nope.

WERE YOU A CUTE KID?
fucking adorable

IS THE SINGLE LIFE FOR YOU?
what do you think?

WHAT COLOR IS YOUR KEYBOARD?
black and grey

IS BARBIE SEXY?
hell yeah

DO YOU SING IN THE SHOWER?
occasionally

HAVE YOU EVER BUNGEE JUMPED?
nope

ANY SPECIAL TALENTS?
i have flipper feet

WHAT'S YOUR IDEAL VACATION SPOT?
anywhere other than than the SF valley

IS JAY LENO FUNNY?
No, Conan is though... he's hot.

CAN YOU SWIM?
like a mofo

HAVE YOU SEEN THE MOVIE "DONNIE DARKO"?
About 30 times

DO YOU GIVE A DAMN ABOUT THE OZONE?
Yes

CAN YOU SING THE ALPHABET BACKWARDS?
uh, no.

HAVE YOU EVER BEEN ON AN AIRPLANE?
yes.

DO YOU PREFER ELECTRIC OR MANUAL PENCIL?
what the hell is an electric pencil?

WHAT'S YOUR STAND ON HUNTING?
sad.

DO YOU LIKE YOUR HANDWRITING?
Depends on the pen I'm using.

WHAT ARE YOU ALLERGIC TO?
bad home decor

IS TUPAC STILL ALIVE?
Totally, and he's living in Canada.

VAST AIRE KRAMA
ok.

DO YOU CRY AT WEDDINGS?
sometimes.

HOW DO YOU LIKE YOUR EGGS?
over easy, scrambled, boiled...i love eggs

ARE BLONDES DUMB?
some of them

WHERE DOES THE OTHER SOCK END UP?
on the beach in mexico

WHAT TIME IS IT?
9:15am

DO YOU HAVE A NICKNAME?
Suki, Suksan, Sucky

IS MCDONALD'S DISGUSTING?
no

WHO'S YOUR HERO?
my grandma

WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU WERE IN A CAR?
yesterday

DO YOU PREFER BATHS OR SHOWERS?
baths, but the bathtub has to be sparkling clean, and big..

IS SANTA CLAUS REAL?
i'm too tired to be witty

DO YOU LIKE TO HAVE YOUR NECK KISSED?
it tickles

ARE YOU AFRAID OF THE DARK?
sometimes

WHAT ARE YOU ADDICTED TO?
what aren't i addicted to?

CRUNCHY PEANUT BUTTER OR REGULAR?
reg


CAN YOU CRACK YOUR NECK?
no

HAVE YOU EVER RIDDEN IN AN AMBULANCE?
nope


HOW MANY TIMES HAVE YOU BRUSHED YOUR TEETH TODAY?
once

IS DRUG FREE THE WAY TO BE?
works for some

ARE YOU A HEAVY SLEEPER?
no

WHAT COLOR ARE YOUR EYES?
blue

HOW LOUD DO YOU SNEEZE?
it used to be loud, but i've perfected the quiet sneeze over the last 7 months

DO YOU LIKE YOUR LIFE?
Depends on the day

WHAT'S YOUR BEST FRIEND'S NAME?
Steve


WHO'S BETTER: STONE COLD OR THE ROCK?
Stone Cold

ARE YOU PSYCHIC?
Yes

HAVE YOU READ "CATCHER IN THE RYE"?
Yes, overrated.

DO YOU PLAY ANY INSTRUMENTS?
Piano, drums.

CAN YOU SKATEBOARD?
actually, I'm quite good for a girl. I used to think I was cool in Jr. High and ride a skateboard to school.

HAVE YOU EVER STOLEN MONEY?
I think so

CAN YOU SNOWBOARD?
I suck ass.

DO YOU LIKE CAMPING?
Love it

ARE YOU HORNY?
not at the present moment.

DO YOU SNORT WHEN YOU LAUGH?
no

DO YOU BELIEVE IN MAGIC?
i hate magic

ARE DOGS A MAN'S BEST FRIEND?
yes

CAN YOU DO THE MOONWALK?
when drinking cosmos

DO YOU MAKE A LOT OF MISTAKES?
consistently.

IS IT COLD OUTSIDE TODAY?
no

DOES SIZE MATTER?
to an extent


WHAT WAS THE LAST THING YOU ATE?
pizza

DO YOU WEAR NAIL POLISH?
sometimes

HAVE YOU EVER BEEN KISSED?
yes.

WHAT'S THE MOST ANNOYING TV COMMERCIAL?
Home mortgage ones


DO YOU SHOP AT AMERICAN EAGLE?
yep.
About this Entry
80sparty
May. 27th, 2005 @ 10:37 pm Gymboree
Current Mood: goodgood
Current Music: Latin Kings of Comedy

25% off sale!  I was going to get some more stuff online, but my mom is coming down tomorrow and she wants to "buy stuff for her sweet pea".  Cue - opportunity.  Hence, Gymboree is first on the agenda manana.

These are what I have my eye on...

Ruffled Sea Horse CapriA-line Sea Tank    See-Through Jelly SandalReversible SunhatAt the Beach

Pool Party TeeFlip Flop Terry ShortBeach Scene RomperPool Party

Striped Butterfly Sweater TopThis to match some of her other Tropical Paradise stuff

Ribbon SandalAnd these to match her Spring Fun stuff

Ruffled BikiniAnd MAYBE this, but probably not since she already has 2 suits and hasn't seen a pool yet.  But

                                it's so tempting cause it's so fucking cute.

 

 

I know, I have a problem.  Better than poker and pot I suppose. :) 


 

About this Entry
80sparty
May. 24th, 2005 @ 09:12 am cranky and tired
Current Mood: tiredtired
As if sleep isn't difficult enough to come by these days, this morning the phone rings around 5:30am (about 2.5 hours into my usual 4-5 hours). We all know that feeling of terror upon waking to a blaring phone. I paniked. Steve had left for work not long ago. I answered it with a lump in my throat.

Me: Hello
Caller: Is this the receptionist?
Me: (irritated) Excuse me?
Caller: Is this the receptionist at Dr. Hussein's office?

At this point I was awake enough to realize it was an old lady who probably misdialed.

Me: You have the wrong number.

Click.

Back to sleep for 10 more minutes.

Again, the phone starts ringing. Okay, I understand that old people make mistakes, but on 2 hours of sleep, and in a desperately tired state and wanting to get as much sleep as I could before Kelsey wakes up - I was pissed.

Me: HELLO?!
Caller: (This time it's a man... and NECKISH man with a NECKISH accent) Uh..Yea..(pause) is this Dr. Hussein's office?
Me: NO!!! YOU HAVE THE WRONG NUMBER
Caller: Well it's the numba I got

Silence.

Oh well in that case let me pull Dr. Hussein out of my ass and get him on the phone for you!! What the hell man. I didn't say that though, realizing this man with an IQ of 25 was probably the old lady's son trying to help her.

Me: WELL IT'S WRONG
Caller: (obviously disappointed) Oh,.. uh kay.

Back to sleep for about 45 minutes. Then Kelsey awakes. I'm on about 3 (broken up) hours today. I have class tonight. Blah.

Oh, and I'm getting a cold sore. Tis going to be a lovely fucking day.
About this Entry
80sparty
May. 18th, 2005 @ 11:16 pm Kelsey is sleeping with an afghan tonight...
Current Mood: mellowmellow
Put her down at 7 and she's still knocoked out, hasn't made a peep. Is my life about to get easier?

Irma will be back in less than two weeks. I've gotten so used to cooking dinner everynight, making a mess and not cleaning it up right away, oh.. and sleeping in her bed. Well, my daughter's room happens to be right down the hall, and transitioning her to her crib is a hell of a lot easier when I'm 5 steps away, not across the house. When she gets back I'm going to take up sleeping on the couch. Good fun. At least our couches will be used for something.

Katy got laid off from her job, and while I feel bad for her, inside I'm secretly excited because that means I can go over there during the day, or she can come here, and we can SMOKE CIGARETTES! :D I have been craving one all night long and at one time had actually considered stepping outside much to Steve's probable dismay - but I decided against it. I'm just going to wait until he goes to sleep and sneak outside. Should be any minute now.
About this Entry
80sparty
May. 17th, 2005 @ 03:46 pm Taking a break from studying...
Current Mood: goodgood
THIRTEEN THINGS YOU LOVE:
1. My family & friends
2. Water/swimming
3. Wine
4. Food
5. Shopping
6. Poker/Boardgames
7. Music
8. Learning/School
9. Movies
10.History/Culture
11.Sex
12.Nature
13.Animals


TWELVE MOVIES: (not in any order)
1. Fight Club
2. American Beauty
3. Interview with the Vampire
4. Garden State
5. My Girl
6. Dogma
7. City of God
8. Something about Mary
9. Requiem for a Dream
10.Big Fish
11.Pulp Fiction
12.Kill Bill

ELEVEN GOOD BANDS: (currently listening to)
1. Pennywise
2. Unwritten Law
3. DHC
4. NOFX
5. The Postal Service
6. Depeche Mode
7. Duran Duran
8. Weezer
9. Green Day
10.Dave Matthews
11.Tool

TEN THINGS ABOUT YOU:
1. New mom and wife
2. Quirky
3. Writer
4. I love all things water
5. Inappropriate humor
6. Wino
7. think too much
8. sleep too little
9. overly sensitive
10.tomboy

NINE GOOD FRIENDS (in no order):
1. Tammy
2. Jill
3. Sam
4. Jamie
5. Katy
6. Lindsay
7. Marla
8. Tessa
9. Steve

EIGHT FAVORITE FOODS/DRINKS:
1. Pinot Grigio/Noir
2. Vitamin Water
3. French Fries
4. Sushi
5. Chicken
6. Water
7. Easy Mac
8. Cheese

SEVEN THINGS YOU WEAR DAILY:
1.Wedding Ring
2.Necklace
3.Mostuizer
4.Pants
5.Carmex
6.Deoderant
7.A smile!

SIX THINGS THAT YOU HATE:
1. Liars
2. Self Righteousness
3. Hatred/Evil
4. Arrogance
5. Greed
6. Simple Mindedness

FIVE THINGS YOU DO DAILY:
1. Shower
2. Kiss my daughter and husband
3. Eat
4. Think
5. waste too much time on the computer

FOUR TELEVISION SHOWS YOU WATCH:
1. Desperate Housewives
2. Scrubs
3. RW/RR Challenge
4. Survivor

THREE THINGS YOU WANT:
1. this house
2. to lose weight
3. another child

TWO THINGS YOU SAY OFTEN:
1. that's taut
2. will you get me some wine

ONE PERSON YOU COULD SPEND THE REST OF YOUR LIFE WITH:
1. Kelsey/Steve
About this Entry
80sparty
May. 10th, 2005 @ 01:31 pm In the Belljar
Current Mood: depresseddepressed
Current Music: Dora Dora Dora the Explorer
I have been in the funk of all funks the past 2 weeks. Don't tell anyone, but I think it may be my Latin American surroundings, industrial carpets, bright pink bathrooms, what have you. I'm sure everyone is sick of hearing it, and I would be too cause I'm sick to death of fucking dealing with it. I'm very sensitive to my surroundings, and I like to be comfortable and have my home reflect me, and her the surroundings are horrendous and I am so not comfortable living in someone else's idea of a home. My patience is waning. So I guess I decided to take a vacation because that's exactly what I did. Bottle or two of wine a night, pot... yes POT almost every night, and online gambling, when you're losing hundreds of dollars gambling it's easy to forget about your other problems. Good Lord, this is NOT what I want for my daughter. WTF goes through my head sometimes is beyond me. So I've stopped drinking heavily, stopped smoking the weed, and cancelled my online gambling account. And now that I have nothing else to distract me, I feel like dog shit caked on a big rig tire stuck in traffic on the 405. If it weren't for my daughter I would probably be institutionalized already. I love this little girl so much, and the only joy I have in my days is holding her in my arms, seeing her laugh, and napping with her. She is the only thing that keeps me going, and gives me hope that one day my life will belong more to me than to a series of events that are beyond my control. Also, the fact that Steve saw me unraveling at the seams, and actually seemed to encourage me to smoke pot, to have another drink, etc. is really really getting to me. Why would he want the mother of his child to be a complete mess, couldn't he see why I was doing the things I was doing? To escape reality just a little longer? Not healthy, not healthy at all. And my husband, someone who is supposed to be my support system was egging me on? Cheering? Either he truly was oblivious to the fact that I was circling the drain in the bathtub, or he doesn't see the harm in his wife being a selfish alcoholic/drunk addict/gambling addict.
About this Entry
80sparty